"I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems more awful than life is good." - Andrew Solomon

How do you answer the question? “How you doin? (translation how are you?)”

(If you need assistance, please, feel free to use the chart and you may comment below in the comments section)

a.          Good.  P a u s e  And you?

b.         Fine, thank you! (Regardless of how you really feel)

c.           I really feel like….and explain all the intricacies of how you really feel.

d.         Other

Please view “How you doin’?” commercial.

“How are you?”  has got to be one of the worst possible greeting questions ever because of the mental gymnastics a person has to hurdle just to answer it.  We know how to answer it.  “I’m good.”  But really though?  I don’t think so, because are you really good?   “How are you?” is merely a greeting, but perhaps for just a nanosecond somewhere, somehow in our subconsciousness, our heart of hearts asks another little question:   

“Do you really want to know?”  Next, we perform a quick scan and microsecond analysis of the person:  “Wait a minute!  Who are you?”  Are you a friend, relative, acquaintance, stranger danger, bagel breakfast guy, fellow commuter, polite train conductor, weirdo?   “Do you even know me?”  What’s next?  The context of the situation.   Are these merely greetings and civilities?   We again discreetly scrutinize their face, their eyes, and try to read the time clock of sincerity.  Have their eyes already averted after asking the question or are they gently holding the gaze until we answer?  If you have determined it is indeed a friend, and they are sincere, we initiate another millisecond self-analysis to see if the setting is right, the environment is suitable, and if we even feel like unlocking the door and actually revealing what’s inside our heart and life at this time.   These are too many micro-calculations in a simple cultural greeting.

So we answer:  “Good.”  However if we say we are good and we really aren’t good, how does that affect the gut brain axis?  The gut brain axis, or relationship, is what scientists call the enteric nervous system (ENS), the second brain.  Both the medical and scientific fields are beginning to understand the links between digestion, mood, health, and even the way we think.  Everyday people like you and me, I won’t speak for you, I’ll speak for me, understand this on a basic level because this concept is wrapped up in our language.  When we have the collywobbles, or are nervous, one may say “I have “butterflies in my stomach”, or in Spanish:  Tener mariposas en el estómago/la panza.” 

Another example is if we sense danger, we go with our gut feeling, an intuitive reaction.  Or how about this?  Have you ever felt hangry?  Hangry as defined by the Grammarist is a portmanteau** of the words hungry and angry.  It just was added in 2018 to the Oxford dictionary and the symptoms follow:

• Little things irritate you.

• People you love become unbearable.

• You slowly start to become aware that there are a tribe of little gremlins running around your house 24/7. (Your children)

• Simple tasks become impossible. 

• Tall, thin people look like hot dogs.  Short, rotund people look like burgers.  Fit people – Kale Salad.

• You stub your toe, bang your funny bone, trip on invisible wire.

• Scientifically, it’s probably because of a drop of the glucose levels in the bloodstream.

Butterflies are beautiful.  What a poetic way to describe positive nervousness of meeting true love on a first date, or the anticipation of a job interview which will lead to something beneficial!  Positive because a butterfly is a flying flower.  But what if it is a negative nervousness trending toward danger?  Can we make the idiomatic expression ugly and dreadful?   Moths in the stomach, palmetto in the ghetto, mummy in the tummy, bats in the belly?   But since bats use echo-location, they wouldn’t be bumping into each other.  They are creepy though and make me nervous, like baby Bruce Wayne.   At the end of the day what we think, speak, and say affects us internally.   So if we say one thing and feel differently, it’s kind of a lie, which feels strong; but according to dictionary.com, a lie is something intended or serving to convey a false impression. Ouch. 

When a person speaks a lie, or fudges and smudges the truth, he or she will not be able to differentiate between black or white, large or small, and that person will begin to toss different narratives, create multiverses in the subconscious and reality, and then it’s not just tossing: its juggling, memorizing, cross checking, and recalling;

1.  What we know to be true.

2. What we think we know they want to hear.

3. What we wish they want to know.

4. What they actually want to hear which we really don’t know 100 percent.

5. What we actually project as true.

6. AND

7. ALL THE ACCOMPANYING EMOTIONS WITH IT – FEAR, ANGER, GUILT, HOPE.  (LOOK AT THE EMOTION WHEEL IN THE BEGINNING OF THE BLOG)

We return to our initial question “How you doin’?”  The pressure mounts.  The beads of sweat slowly emerge.  Are you just saying: “Hey!”  Or do you really care?  How do I feel?  How do you feel?  How does the dog feel? Are you sure that I’m sure?  Do these jeans make my butt look big?   There’s just too much going on.  I’m getting frustzy right now.  Frustzy is a portmanteau of frustrated and dizzy, coined by Mistofer Christopher on Sunday May 1, 2022 for this blog.   I can’t handle all this management of universes, people, and emotions from one question.  Say it.  SAY IT!  Answer the question.   But remember it is believed that lying, fudging the truth, adjusting the truth, managing all this interior, exterior, conscious, unconscious conflict removes people from the actual moment in time that they are handling.   And then we crash….jfj a;lskj;lajdf;lkja;dlklqwer09234p190458019834p09uwtkj;eljadlsfjs;fjaldkjflkdjfaa;ldfjalsf209u01457-019854-wev lwernvu5npvoiwenvlk0n49b0unv-0129unv-09uernpvoqijwenrlkvje-0u15-1-08520-84v0-new-r09vunaiuvnwejv.

So let’s solve the “How you doin’?” dilemma right here, right now.  Let us invent or borrow permanently (in keeping all things transparent - steal) what other cultures do for our solution.  We’ve already, according to some experts. “borrowed” words from 350 other languages.  So why not? The list below contains informal to formal to flirty. :-) Use your greeting powers wisely!

• Bavarian and Austrian German - Grüß Gott (pronounced Grus Got  (literally Greet God)

• Arabic: السلام عليكم (pronounced es salaam alaykoom) – Peace be upon you.

• Hebrew: שלום (shalom) - Peace

• Hawaiian: Aloha (this is the word for “peace”, “affection”, “compassion”, or “mercy”)

• Russian: здравствуйте (zdrastvuytye; comes from здрава желаю meaning “I wish you health”)

• Maori: Kia ora (“Be healthy”)

• Irish: What’s the craic? (“craic- pronounced crack) “What’s the vibe? How are things going? Any fun things going on?”

• Innuit: ᐊᐃᓐᖓᐃ (Ainngai) pronounced Ayn-gay - “Hi and Bye.”

• Burmese: မင်္ဂလာပါ။ (mingalaba; “It is a blessing”)

• Hindi नमस्ते (namaste; “I bow to you”)

• Icelandic: Komdu sæll (“Come happy”)

• Korean: 식사하셨어요? (Shiksa hashutsuyo?) or “Have you eaten?” (usually the older generation says this)

• Sesotho: Lumela (this is the word for “believe” or “agree”)

• Georgian: გამარჯობა (gamarjoba; “Victory”)

• Zulu: Sawubona (“We see you”)

• Yapese: Mogethin ( Pronounced Moe – gah – theen (“Say a word”)

• Kiswahili: Habari yako? (“Your news?”)

• Icelandic: Komdu sæll (“Come happy”)

• What’s the story, morning glory?

• Hello Beautiful People!

• "What’s cookin’, good lookin’?"

• Jamaican Patois - ‘Weh yuh ah seh’ (literally what are you saying, meaning “How are you doing?”)

• Haitian Creole – Sak Passe. (What’s happening)

• In copying the Yapese. Let’s New Yorkify it. “Talk to me.”

***

 What would you add to the list?  Pick one! Use it.  Comment below.

I was riding my Trek mountain bike in my Queens neighborhood and a sixty year old black man stood in the bed of his soapy Toyota truck power washing away the suds and scum.   He caught my eye as I pedaled by.  I nodded, he nodded.  I said:  “Yes sirrrrrrrr, keeping the sustain pedal on the errrrrrr!”  He replied in quick staccato and succession:  “Alright now, young blood.”

So, like I said before: “How you doin’?”

*(if you want to a deeper dive on gut brain axis click on the hyperlink) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gut-brain-axis

**portmanteau – pronounced pȯrt-ˈman-(ˌ)tō. - a word blending the sounds and combining the meanings of two others, for example motel (from ‘motor’ and ‘hotel’) or brunch (from ‘breakfast’ and ‘lunch’), (smoke and fog = smog)

*** Some of these greetings I learned through my travels and friends, and others you can find on this link. https://www.fluentin3months.com/international-greetings/