The Day After
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”
Brooklyn
October 31, 2023, 2:00 pm
The woman’s face was sallow, washed out, ghostly grey. It was the blue gray color of no blood flow, her skin color, absent in the rainbow of the 2nd grade Crayola Box 64, but if it was there, it would be labeled No O2 (oxygen), zombie, near to death, between ash and slate.
“Hi baby.” The ghoul stretched out her hand out to her little 5-year-old child. The little baby hid behind the school secretary.
“Baby it’s me.” The little girl shrunk back further. The hand was brown, but the face was “death”.
“Baby it’s me, it’s your mama.” she protested.
Apparently, a word has been given to this phenomena, Samhainophobia (pronounced So-win -o- phobia). It’s not officially listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders Fifth Edition (DSM-V), but that doesn’t mean that Samhainophobia doesn’t cause symptoms.
Photo by Mistofer Christopher: two skeletons sitting on a small version of Stonehenge on the Upper East Sidd
Samhainophobia is a portmanteau of the word Samhain, a Gaelic word pronounced “sow-win”) which is a pagan religious festival originating from an ancient Celtic spiritual tradition and is considered to be the most sacred day of the Wiccan year. The event is usually celebrated from October 31 to November 1 to welcome in the harvest and usher in “the dark half of the year.” Celebrants believe that the barriers between the physical world and the spirit world lower during Samhain, allowing the denizens of the dead to walk among the world of the living. Originally carved, candlelit turnips were displayed to repel evil spirits and to some of the practitioners the candle represented a soul trapped in purgatory. Turnip, the vegetable de jour faded away and now pumpkins are the fruit of choice. Since the dead walked with the living the ancient Celts wore frightening masks so that evil spirits would mistakenly think the wearers were spirits and leave them alone.
Photo by Vadim Bogulov @franku84
Phobia according to Harvard Health Publishing is a persistent, excessive, unrealistic fear of an object, person, animal, activity or situation. It is a type of anxiety disorder. A person with a phobia either tries to avoid the thing that triggers the fear or endures it with great anxiety and distress.
Is it normal for children to be scared of Halloween? Considering the roots of the celebration and what it conjures up and the present jambalaya of skulls, blood, chainsaws, werewolves, witches, skeletons as tall as houses, bats, spiders, webs, and gore and the whole list of things you’re told to not do as a child you can do for the day. Yah…you think…
Photo by @scoutthecity
“Sweetie don’t ever”:
1. “Talk to strangers.”
2. “Accept candy from people you don’t know.”
3. “Walk around after dark.”
4. “Watch those sinister shows on television.”
Halloween may feel like a sort of reverso world or alternate universe for young children and may be a little disturbing, confusing and overwhelming. Add to the mix the demonic elements featured on television for that time period it’s totally understandable a child’s negative and petrified reaction.
According to some studies children ages 3 to 4 still have a difficult time differentiating between what is real and what is pretend. For a young child, especially one with an active imagination or an anxious personality or on the spectrum, the seemingly creepy fun of Halloween and the masquerade can be very scary. A mask is more than a mask, it could be a soul sucking monster. Teeth glisten, bloodshot eyes drip and if you listen carefully, you will hear the ghoulish laughter and squealing sounds of bats and grumbling warty frogs.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
So how can we help children manage their fear?
Does a 4 year old, 14 year old, or even a 40 year old really have the ability and mental agility to be able to say: “Mother, do be a dear and sit down and let me air out with you the challenges I’m having right now with this sugar rush, hyper stimulation, and overall disturbing feeling of the dead coming out of the ground and electronically controlled moving zombies and prerecorded haunted sounds that are wreaking havoc on my nervous system and triggering ridiculously my flight or fight, freeze or fawn mechanism.”
Of course not, children do not always have the verbal repertoire, the words, to explain what they are afraid of. This is where parents, teachers, adults in the room can assist by asking simple specific questions.
“What makes____scary?”
Validate acknowledge Validate.
Please do not say: “That wasn’t so bad.”
“Oh, come on it’s not that bad.” When you belittle a child for being scared it adds shame to the equation, another complicated emotion on top of the fear. Even if you don’t understand your child’s fear, validate, acknowledge, and validate. This huge step let’s them know they are not alone and you will help them through their journey.
Be Vulnerable Yourself
You as an adult relate to your child, don’t pretend that you are not afraid of things you fear. Children have a sense when adults are lying which does not assuage the fear. It’s better to tell your child a minimal fear and that you are trying to work through it.
Remind me of me
Build up your child always with acknowledging specifically their strengths, great qualities they demonstrate and specific items they accomplish. Remind them of what they have accomplished, conquered and overcome in the past. Include the fears they had before but now they have brought under control.
These are a few tips in addition to the infographic below to help children deal with fear or anxiety.
“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.”
Whatever decision you make as a family, take into consideration and please respect, acknowledge and validate our little children’s feelings and consciences. Let their reactions inform and teach you and you may find yourself on a journey where you both learn something new and be better as a result of it. Perhaps your journey may take you elsewhere or you may find an alternative way to satisfy the desire of fun, intrigue, masks and costume, role play and suspense.
“You and only you are responsible for your life choices and decisions.”
Talk About The Monster - Children's Book — House of Mistofer Christopher a children’s book designed to helps children talk about their fears and bring them down to size.
For Teachers, Parents, Caretakers. Another tool for children and adults to handle anxiety and fear. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.