Take Away Twenty (-20 Part 2)

Food Photographer David Feduloy @phototastyfood

The end result is constant. The cook transforms into a different soul by the way he chooses one egg from twelve, the staccato crack of the egg on the side of the counter, the lay-down of the silky yolk onto the grill, the execution of spatula, coordinated hands, and the simultaneous flip of the egg when one side is done.  This is followed by the gentle slice of the bagel or roll, the final egg, bacon, placement on the bagel, the wrap up of the sandwich in the foil and then the final food hand off and money exchange at the register.  The cook looks at you as his eyes slowly widen with anticipation: “Try it!  I want to make sure you love it.”  You can’t just walk out on that.

Observe the thickness and deliciousness of the cheese drip on sunshine fluffy eggs, speckled with pepper like a dalmatian.  Tilt your head sideways like Guy Fieri and rip into that bad boy sammich like a velociraptor.  Let out a hearty “MMMMMM,” and with your other hand give him the thumbs up.

Ignore the guilt you feel and the facts that hurt.  According to the 2001 New York Times, Lorraine M. Eyerman, a registered Dietician, noted that eating a New York bagel is eating the equivalent of a ¼ to ½ a loaf of bread.  A New York Bagel’s approximate size is 4 ounces to 10 ounces.  According to various references on the internet including the USDA, NY Bagel is looking like upwards of 300+ calories not including the schmear.*  To put it simply, after eating a bagel, you have a brick in your stomach, but one kale leaf for penance.

But a Pagel, I confess, is the closest experience in quarantine to that wonderful, diet-ignoring, bagel experience.  Gluten free, faleo, vegan and kosher, it covers all religious and lifestyle bases.  Toast it so that the outside is hot, firm and a slight crust and the inside with a light crisp.  Then experience the flavorful crunch of…everything.  Slap a schmear of crème cheese (see upcoming point 3) and I personally like to sprinkle Palestinian zaatar from the mother land on top.  Can you imagine eating a NYC Bagel 3-4 times a week and still keeping your washboard, dynamic, shredded Quarantine stud body? Pagel your life away and there’s no need for confession, penance, or guilt.  But don’t evah fugget about your first love whether her name was Pumpernickel, Sesame, or she was just Everything.    

2. How did the Hamburger introduce his wife? Meat Pattie.

*schmear - a dab, as of cream cheese, spread on a roll, bagel, or the like.